A butterfly flaps its wings in China — and my childcare falls apart.

Chaos. Having a child introduced a level of chaos into my life. No, I’m not talking about late night feedings or mountains of toys, I’m talking about childcare for Gracie.

All I am asking for is a reliable childcare situation that is stimulating and nurturing for my daughter, and easy and flexible for me. Is that too much to ask? Probably yes … even considering I am willing to pay $20/hour for a part-time nanny.

My regular nanny is on maternity leave (and yes, she says she is coming back in November), so this summer I am getting by with a women on summer vacation from her PhD program, combined with back up childcare through my husband’s work. Neither is predictable.

My summer nanny does a great job taking care of Gracie, and Gracie enjoys spending time with her — but she has gone on vacation, worked different days each week because of previous engagements, and has had conflicts on previously scheduled work days, including this Friday. She forgot that she has a conference she has already paid for, that she needs to attend for school. I already cancelled a luncheon I was planning to attend, but I am still trying to get backup childcare (through Mark’s work) so I can go to an appointment with my life planner — otherwise, I will have the appointment by telephone, with Gracie watching Dora the Explorer in the background. Not ideal.

Mark’s backup childcare is also a roll-of-the-dice. Every time I have signed Gracie up, we have been waitlisted. (is it a conspiracy? does anyone actually get a confirmed reservation?) Then, the night before, they call to say that a space has opened up, and ask if we still want it — every time we have been waitlisted, we have got this call. But, Gracie does enjoy herself there — she gets to play with other toddlers her age, and hang out with other adults, play with different toys, etc. The last time I dropped her off, instead of crying, she sat down to color, looked up at me, and said “bye bye.” Ah, I am already not needed, my daughter is already an Independent Woman.

This childcare issue is a big problem for me with my business, because I schedule client appointments up to 60 days in advance, and now I am launching teleseminar programs, that are scheduled out 90+ days ahead. So, when childcare falls through, what do I do about these appointments and seminars?

Even more difficult since we don’t have family here (Mark’s are in LA, and mine are in St. Louis, MO), so there is no ultimate-backup-babysitting of retired grandparents or stay-at-home aunts or uncles.

But as much as I complain, I have had great luck with finding quality childcare for Gracie. She loves Sarah (her main nanny), Jessica (her summer nanny), and the women at backup daycare. We have never had any nightmare problems that you hear about on the news, and I am thankful.

I wish I could have control and predictability over my schedule. But if I had wanted that, I should not have had a kid.

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