Deep Breaths: Taking Leaps, Making Epic Mistakes, Learning and Moving On…

Guest post by Shelly Gibbens.

I had all these great thoughts for this post… I live my life honestly… I always live my truth… I always have… and… that is where I called bullshit on myself.

I have always known the right thing to do. I have terrific intuition… but I haven’t always followed it… and sometimes have just downright punched it in the face and jumped feet first into something I shouldn’t do.

In retrospect, looking back over every decision I’ve made that I just KNEW was wrong, I realize that I ignored my gut… I knew the correct decision, but for reasons ‘explainable’ at the time – but not now – I didn’t go with what I knew to be true in my heart, head and soul.

I’ve made many mistakes… Epic mistakes… Novel worthy mistakes… I’ve taken many deep breaths and cried so hard at times, I literally passed out…

But here is the best part about that… yes there is a best part…

I paid for every one of my mistakes. I took responsibility. I learned. I grew. I became ME.

AND 99.9% of the time, I actually like me.

Now for the longest and most stressful lesson I’ve had…

Thus far, in my career, I have gotten by… lived one day, week, month, and year at a time, ‘content’.

Or at least that is what I told myself.

I enjoyed the paycheck of a steady job, definitely, but 90% of the time, I did not enjoy the people and became easily bored with the work.

Dealing with people that wouldn’t do their jobs, and knowing I would get stuck doing them…

Sitting in a cubicle, and eventually an office, that held no creative flow for me…

Working without clear focus from the ‘leads’ of the projects …

Long, boring, mostly useless meetings…

All the while, in between stifling yawns and trying not to roll my eyes, I would just take deep breaths.

Until one day I couldn’t breathe at all… and I resigned.

No plans, no backup, no thoughts… just very loud yelling and cussing from me directed at the latest in a line of useless people trying, incorrectly, to tell me what to do.

(I did apologize… “I’m sorry for yelling, that was unprofessional and inappropriate… but I do NOT apologize for what I said.”)

My household lost 2/3 of our income because of my decision. That is a very hard thing to live with. We didn’t budget and plan. Decisions I make now about my work are amazingly epic for my family. I could very well fail at changing my focus and my career… and that doesn’t just affect me anymore.

So my truth in business is all new to me. Unless I am about to lose my house, and still maybe even then, I do NOT want to work for a big corporation ever again. I want to get projects DONE. I want to make things work. I want to create. I want to work for ME for a change.

And that is what I am doing… and it does scare me, but it also thrills me.

Then there are the fun, growing, enjoyed those experiences lessons

Those lessons that we file under love… Most of them aren’t love, they are excitement, curiosity, passion, lust (and YES, there is a difference in those things) and companionship.

Love, wow… my truth in love…

This could be a saga…. But I will spare you…

I have been hurt, but not because I was in love, more because I needed something at the time that was being taken away from me.

I have hurt people… not on purpose, but because I couldn’t live the lie anymore.

Even in junior high school, I never said “I love you” to boys because I knew it was special and I would only say it to those people who really deserved it. (Only one man has gotten that out of me.)

Every single man I’ve dated until this point, I knew I wouldn’t marry. I got what I wanted from the relationships and so did they… I can honestly say that I could call up every man I ever dated and have a conversation with them today, and I love that… Lets me know I met some awesome men, had some good times and made a friend on some level. I almost convinced myself a few times that I could marry one or two of them, but in the end, I was right…

I was right in those first minutes and hours of meeting them. I knew. Really, we all know… we just ignore it sometimes because it’s fun. There is so much truth to the title “Mr. Right Now”.

So the night that I met my husband, I was enthralled… and when he kissed me goodnight at my door, I closed the door and said “I’m going to marry him.” It’s only been five years, but I’m still feeling that… Mr. Right.

So what have these lessons taught me?

They have taught me to question, to listen, to follow my intuition. Before making decisions… get the facts, take a deep breath, LISTEN to my instincts, and do what I feel is right.

I question my role as a mother daily. Am I doing the right things? But I finally realized that I am a great mother, because my son is an awesome person. I have to tell him no, and get mad when he does stuff that is dangerous or disrespectful because he has to learn, I have to teach him. I also know that I have to do everything in my power not to change his personality, let him become the boy, the MAN that he is meant to become.

I question my role as a wife… but I ask my husband and get feedback… and I give it too J

I’ll get back to you on the business truth… since I’m learning as I go… But for now I am jumping in, making choices and listening to my gut.

As for the life and love truth, this is what I have learned…

Friends and family are the most important things in life. Period.

I don’t allow negative people to be a part of my life.

I’m honest. Everyone knows “Don’t ask me a question that you don’t want the answer to” (I do sometimes give strangers and new ‘friends’ a slight break on the bluntness of my answers though)

Mindless drone work is not for me. I am bored easily, and I need to be challenged.

I can’t write the novel of my epic mistakes, because I don’t want to admit the bad decisions publicly.

I’m a hard person to get to know because I hold a lot back, not everyone deserves to know the details of my life… but if you become a friend to me, I am loyal and fiercely protective.

I’ve learned that if you have good people around you, you will thrive… you will help them thrive… and that is the truth.

After 42 years of making these mistakes, paying for them and moving past them, I have learned a few things. I’d like to share them with you now. They are obviously just my thoughts and opinions <<

I’m very aware that a lot of people won’t take strong advice to avoid something, mainly because they need to learn things for themselves… but here goes:

When you’re about to do something, or someone ask you to do something, and you pause, or get a weird feeling… LISTEN TO IT.

If you are dating someone and you break up in the first 4 months… Don’t get back together, it is not right and it will not work… (Yes, that may seem like an arbitrary time, but it’s not…)

If you are fighting with a family member or friend… if it’s petty, let it go. The best way to determine if it’s worth fighting about is to think… “If they die tomorrow, will I regret not making up with them?” (Forget the anger, think about the relationship before).

If there is someone in your life that always puts you down, doesn’t support you (emotionally) or hurts you… get them out of your life. This obviously depends on the situation and the other person’s willingness to modify their behavior, but sometimes, this is the only viable option.

Don’t stay in a job doing something you don’t love.

True friends are rare, hold on to those you have.

The truth always comes out eventually.

I’ll repeat, trust your intuition… It is a culmination of your experiences, common sense, and in my opinion, your guardian angel talking to you.

About Shelly Gibbens: Shelly is a busy working mommy, computer geek, diver, skier, advid debater, writer, and organizer. You can find her as @randomshelly on twitter or read her blog.

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