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Divorce is Weird.

By on July 15, 2009 in Life

In my last video, Goals Suck, I shared my process of “being” each day — two of those states of being for me are “Being Real” and “Being Uncomfortable.”

So in the interest of Being Real and Being Uncomfortable, here’s the truth of what’s going on w/ me right now.  Cause everything is not all rocking-out and super-cool all the time … sometimes, it’s confusing, stressful, crappy, and weird.

Oh, and by the way, you also hereby have permission to not be happy all of the time too. :)

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  • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

    Let me tell you, that posting this video about made me ill … but that’s true about anything really good … it’s all about being okay w/ being uncomfortable!! :)

  • http://twitter.com/Lawyer4ERISA Stacey

    Glad you RT this video again. I meant to click and watch it the first time but didn’t have time when I saw it. I just finalized a divorce myself and went through HUGE ups and downs, all the while knowing it was the right choice for both of us and for our daughters.

    When I left, I gave furniture, maternity clothes, baby clothes and toys to charity and friends who needed them, and sold a lot of things. I read an article once that said to separate things into groups – donate, sell, trash, keep and go from there (this was for moving but can be used for re-org too I imagine). I found it helpful to “start over” with less (oh and it was cheaper to move less across the country).

    • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

      Yes, I really do need to get rid of TONS of stuff and simplify my life in general … I’m craving that actually. Some charity around here’s going to get a huge windfall. :)

  • http://www.sandygrason.com Sandy Grason

    you rock, baby. Love your honesty. My fav line “you have permission to not be happy all the time.” great!
    love you!
    big hugs!
    xxoxoxo
    sandy

  • http://www.HelpYouWell.com Terre Pruitt

    I am sorry to hear this. I am always sad when a marriage breaks up. But I am glad to hear that you and your soon-to-be-ex are working things out. At least that is really nice.

    Thank you for sharing and being REAL.

  • http://www.allisonmediagroup.com Allison Nazarian

    1) parallel lives
    2) so real, so authentic, so awesome
    3) ur a rockstar
    4) see u in vegas or nyc
    xoxo
    allison

  • Jeffrey Morrison

    Ah, that weirdness -so true. Been through it as well. Makes little sense while in process. Not in the original plan… Feels so yuckie and the constant nagging feeling that the direction of energy is all wrong. Whew!

    But life can get so right after the mess is cleaned up. Good luck to you.

    • http://www.kinesisblog.com Wendy Maynard

      Hi Elizabeth,

      Oh sweetie, I”m so sorry to hear about your divorce.

      I know it will open new doors for you and your soon-to-be ex, but it is also sad when partnerships end.

      Hang in there through the weirdness of the transition and remember to nurture yourself whenever you can.

      Wendy

  • http://www.happyinbusiness.com Therese Skelly

    Hey Elizabeth,
    What a great post and a demonstration about authenticity.

    I too got a divorce a few years ago and made the commitment to do it with love. Has it been easy? Not always. But just making the decision to do it that way has been very healing for my kids.

    I think we have a better divorce than some people have marriages.

    Keep showing up and being YOU.

    Blessings,

    Therese

  • http://www.MelaniWard.com Melani Ward

    Hi Elizabeth,

    Great video. I had a somewhat similar experience when I got divorced. it was amicable, loving and yet one of the hardest but meaningful experiences of my life. We actually went out to dinner together the night the divorce was finalized to celebrate each other and how kindly and gracefully we moved through it together. No lawyers, no “that’s mine this is yours” but no matter how smooth and gentle it was, it was a loss that took me so long to get over. I imagine it is only magnified when you are also tied together by a child. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you will take great care of yourself during this transition and i agree with my dear friend Sandy “My fav line “you have permission to not be happy all the time.” great! What a magnificent gift!!!

    • Tom Lehner

      Elisabeth,
      I just watched this video though you have sent it to me about a week ago. Divorce is weird – I agree with you. I am sorry you have to go through this as well though I cant understand why a man would leave you. OK but thats my thoughts. I know what you are going through since I am divorced myself. An extreme bad divorce and today is my sons Birthday and I dont know why I watch this video exactly today since the past 36 hours have been the blank horror emotionally to me. I know what you are going through and I can read in your eyes. I am sorry for that and I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

      Darn I sit here and want to make a good and sensable comment to comfort you but I just dont know how. YOu spread so much confidence. My thoughts are with you.
      Tom

  • http://www.subject2change.ca drjimsellner PhD.,DipC.

    Hi,
    UUUmmm yes divorce.
    After counseling about 1000 couples over the years, 40% of whom were on the divorce path.
    Just a heads up, be prepared for the “friendlies” to stop and the angry “conversations” to take place.
    it is part of the ending process as our hurt overwhelms our rational part of our brain.
    The brain’s function is to help the person survive. The end of romantic love feels like a death coming on. It isn’t but brain thinks so.
    We have to muster up all the power of our mind vs. our brain to keep our Emotional Intelligence intact.
    As much energy we felt in falling in love is the same amount – negatively – we’ll feel as we fall out of romantic love.
    If you try to reason yourself out of this event you will inhibit your learning and interfere with getting onto your next healthy relationship – should you choose to take the assignment.
    drjimsellnerPhD.,DipC.

    • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

      I disagree that angry fighting is inevitable, and choose to opt-out of that scenario. No thanks!

    • wowisme

      Email me and I”ll send you the ebook of “Every Single Girl's Guide to Her Future Husband's Last Divorce”. Lots of tips in there to make sure your amicable split stays that way! :) We have so much to talk about…

  • http://wowisme.net/ Adryenn Ashley

    Email me and I”ll send you the ebook of “Every Single Girl’s Guide to Her Future Husband’s Last Divorce”. Lots of tips in there to make sure your amicable split stays that way! :) We have so much to talk about…

  • bellwether1

    Hi Elizabeth: What kind of camera do you use to record your video blogs? Thanks.

    P.S. I admire your straightforwardness.

  • bellwether1

    Hi Elizabeth: What kind of camera do you use to record your video blogs? Thanks.

    P.S. I admire your straightforwardness.

  • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW

    I mostly use a flip mino hd, and occasionally the built in camera in
    my iMac. :)

    Elizabeth Potts Weinstein
    Attorney, Author, Speaker, Coach
    & Mompreneur
    Creator of The Wealth Spa & The Live Your Truth Project
    elizabeth@thewealthspa.com
    http://ElizabethPottsWeinstein.com
    http://twitter.com/ElizabethPW

  • http://themollybuckley.com THE Molly Buckley

    What an inspiring post, Elizabeth! I started reading your blog very recently and stumbled upon this post and felt compelled to comment. I completely agree with you – you don't have to be happy all the time. I really admire your strength in your transparency and sharing your tough times with the world.

    Although I'm not going through a divorce, I'm not even married, I am broke. I quit my awesome job, moved to a new state, can't find a job in my new state, and I'm broke. I'm working retail making no money and it sucks. But I almost feel ashamed to talk about it because I feel like I'm diminishing my talents by admitting a sense of defeat.

    Which I know will eventually change. But I just want to say you inspired me, so thanks!

  • http://themollybuckley.com/ still being [Molly]

    What an inspiring post, Elizabeth! I started reading your blog very recently and stumbled upon this post and felt compelled to comment. I completely agree with you – you don’t have to be happy all the time. I really admire your strength in your transparency and sharing your tough times with the world.

    Although I’m not going through a divorce, I’m not even married, I am broke. I quit my awesome job, moved to a new state, can’t find a job in my new state, and I’m broke. I’m working retail making no money and it sucks. But I almost feel ashamed to talk about it because I feel like I’m diminishing my talents by admitting a sense of defeat.

    Which I know will eventually change. But I just want to say you inspired me, so thanks!

  • http://themollybuckley.com THE Molly Buckley

    What an inspiring post, Elizabeth! I started reading your blog very recently and stumbled upon this post and felt compelled to comment. I completely agree with you – you don't have to be happy all the time. I really admire your strength in your transparency and sharing your tough times with the world.

    Although I'm not going through a divorce, I'm not even married, I am broke. I quit my awesome job, moved to a new state, can't find a job in my new state, and I'm broke. I'm working retail making no money and it sucks. But I almost feel ashamed to talk about it because I feel like I'm diminishing my talents by admitting a sense of defeat.

    Which I know will eventually change. But I just want to say you inspired me, so thanks!

  • http://peggiearvidson.com Peggie

    Divorce is weird. and it’s freeing. but it is important to own the feelings as you feel them and NOT try to keep a chin up for anyone else. In both my divorces there were no children to “be strong” for, but there were friends, family and even outsiders that somehow I felt responsible to. I also learned a lot about blame. blame doesn’t work. Great video and thanks for sharing! (i’d love to see your “follow up” in a couple of years after living divorced for a while too)

  • http://awakenyoursoul.wordpress.com/ Peggie

    Divorce is weird. and it's freeing. but it is important to own the feelings as you feel them and NOT try to keep a chin up for anyone else. In both my divorces there were no children to “be strong” for, but there were friends, family and even outsiders that somehow I felt responsible to. I also learned a lot about blame. blame doesn't work. Great video and thanks for sharing! (i'd love to see your “follow up” in a couple of years after living divorced for a while too)

  • http://awakenyoursoul.wordpress.com/ Peggie

    In both my divorces, we managed to avoid the “angries” to be honest, in marriage #2 there had been enough angry times that by the time we were through, we were gracious, and humble and ready to wish the other the best. I think each couple and individual in the couple is unique and we only end up in the “angries” if we buy into the belief that that HAS to happen.

    I'm not being pollyanna here Dr and I do respect your experience, but I've had a TON of growth and learning as a result of 2 unmarriages and as odd as it sounds, I wouldn't change it for anything because that's how I got to where I am today – madly in love in a solid, adult, and ever growing partnership.

  • http://www.compellingcounsel.com/ottawa-ontario-family-lawyers/ Mike Clark

    Thanks for sharing your thought, Elizabeth. At least, you’re still friends with your ex husband. I think it’s just pretty normal to feel a little weird over the divorce ‘coz it’s a personal thing. Regarding those stuff that he left on you, it is advisable that you both talk things over with lawyers so splitting properties is fair. I know it’s been almost two years now, so how’s your new life?

  • http://www.compellingcounsel.com/ottawa-ontario-family-lawyers/ Mike Clark

    Thanks for sharing your thought, Elizabeth. At least, you're still friends with your ex husband. I think it's just pretty normal to feel a little weird over the divorce 'coz it's a personal thing. Regarding those stuff that he left on you, it is advisable that you both talk things over with lawyers so splitting properties is fair. I know it's been almost two years now, so how's your new life?

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  • Kendall

    So resonates with me. Lots of strange things bubble up, finances are tough, complexities of dissolving shared accounts and all the stuff! I really appreciate your bravery and I really appreciate your sharing. So refreshing as I echo your feelings. Let the feelings flow.

  • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

    Thanks so much for your thoughts here Kendall (and on twitter) – so great to share this experience with other like-minded peeps! :)

  • Cheryl Jones

    First of all, thank you, Elizabeth for your video. It’s not easy going thru a divorce. And, some are worse that others, that’s for sure. Everything about my divorce seemed to be smooth, easy & effortless. I guess some would consider me lucky, however, that’s how I imagined it to go & I expected it. I was married for 20 years (half my life) & easy or not, it’s still weird. I agree, all sorts of stuff comes up emotionally that sometimes feels bad. I’ve learned it’s good to feel bad sometimes because it causes us to get clearer about who we are & what we want…

    Love, love, love the part about the dishes! There’s just something so freeing in that. Your message giving people the power to choose to feel crappy, bad, unhappy is freeing. It is a choice.

  • http://www.amymiyamoto.com Amy Miyamoto (@LotusAmy)

    Elizabeth,
    Thank you for being willing to step in to “uncomfortable” and share this video and yourself in such an authentic way with such vulnerability and grace. What you are doing in your videos is very powerful on many levels. I look forward to more.
    P.S. I just love your mobile studio!
    Who would have thought the car was so conducive to making solid videos. ;)
    Amy

  • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

    You know, the car really is an amazing place for good lighting & for quiet :)

  • http://peggiearvidson.com Peggie

    In both my divorces, we managed to avoid the “angries” to be honest, in marriage #2 there had been enough angry times that by the time we were through, we were gracious, and humble and ready to wish the other the best. I think each couple and individual in the couple is unique and we only end up in the “angries” if we buy into the belief that that HAS to happen.

    I’m not being pollyanna here Dr and I do respect your experience, but I’ve had a TON of growth and learning as a result of 2 unmarriages and as odd as it sounds, I wouldn’t change it for anything because that’s how I got to where I am today – madly in love in a solid, adult, and ever growing partnership.