Hermiting Up for the Holidays

I have not left my apartment for almost four days.

Haven’t left since I went and saw Harry Potter at the 9:45 am showing on Thanksgiving Day.

Not even to check my mail. Not to Peet’s for coffee. Not to run to the corner store for more Diet Dr. Pepper.

I’ve been playing marathon sessions of Civilization V. Re-reading Mercedes Lackey paperbacks about magic and gryphons and horses that talk in your head. Taking my morning shower after noon, wearing glasses all day, sitting on the sofa, petting the cat.

Hermiting up.

Completely content. Peaceful. Relaxed. Balanced.

Feeling strangely not-insane.

Feeling normalized.

For the first time in … I can’t remember. Years.

Before the Moment. Before I decided to live my truth. Before I changed everything in my business. Before I started speaking my truth. Before I separated from my (now) ex-husband. Before my daughter was burned. Before I moved to San Francisco. Before I went without child care. Before my daughter was sick for months with no diagnosis. Before my daughter was operated for a brain tumor. Before she started her new school.

Before.

These last 18 months have been epically stressful for me.

Any of those things – restarting a business, divorce, child hospitalized, moving, brain tumor – would be enough to cause major drain of energy, a depleting of resources. But all of them at once? Major clusterfark.

What I expect of myself, the unreasonable standards I hold myself to, I would not force out of my enemy, much less someone I love.

So I’m incorporating new standards.

Gentle, loving standards.

Less demands. Fewer self-judgements. Releasing of guilt.

More space. Lots of alone time. The indulgement in lovely nothings.

On a journey to a different way of arranging my life, inventing something that works for the INFJ / HSP / feminine energy / nerdy / living my truth girl that I am.

God, I feel better already.

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I’d love to hear from you!

How much alone time do you need? What completely useless nothings do you do that chill you out, normalize you, fill your energy back up? Do you give yourself what you need, or judge yourself for not doing something productive?

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