The Quiet Ecstasy of Feeling Your Normal

This past weekend I spent offline, off social media, off work … in the world of the face to face. The world of the flesh. The world of the now.

And for the first time, in more than a forever, I felt normal.

Everything was easy. In the present. Overflowing with abundant energy.

No analyzing, no drama, no whorlybrain, no stress about what I should do or what’s going to happen in the future or what does this person think.

I felt completely myself.

And there was nothing wrong about me.

This post is not about disengaging from social media, this post is not about extreme self care, this post is not about rebelling against society norms or stop listening to what people tell us to do or ignoring the shoulds.

This is a post about feeling your normal.

A few years ago, something happened when I recognized what my truth was not … that put me in the particularly painful state of feeling my weirdness.

Feeling how I was out of sync with most of everyone around me. How the shoulds of the big law job and the house in the suburbs and the marriage to the right person aren’t just the wrong choice — they were undeniably uncomfortable. Painful. Like a joint that’s been forced out of socket.

For so long, I spent my days going through the motions, until those moments when my soul leaked onto my face and I got that shocking look, when someone realized that I’ve been faking it just to keep things afloat.

Then, about a year ago, I decided to live my truth. Take those first (second, third, five hundredth) uncomfortable steps.

And every day I wore my weirdness on my skin.

Thought about the shoulds and what do they think and all the choices I felt guilty about not making. Every moment required bravery.

Until another profoundity snuck up on me.

The moment when I stopped thinking.

The moment when I chose to pull off the shroud of weirdness, and just be myself.

The unthinking truth that I really am, underneath.

So this post is for you who are still feeling your weirdness.

For those of you who are painfully aware of your shoulds, of how you are out of sync, how you are required to be brave every second or you will fall back into the comfortable grayscale of mediocrity.

Have faith. You are on the steepest part of the climb.

There will come a day (all of a sudden! it will sneak up on you!) when you will forget that you are weird. When you stop comparing yourself to everyone else. To what you should be.

There will come a day when you will be doing something or spending time with someone who resonates directly with that unthinking truth of you.

The day when the weirdness will fall away, and your true being will take over.

And you will feel your peace. Your rightness. Your place in the universe.

In that quiet moment, you will feel your normal.

In that quiet moment, you will be ruined forever.

The shoulds, the mediocre, the vanilla of the artifice in which you used to live will be forever unreachable, intolerable, bizarre to you.

In that delicious moment, you know that you can never go back.

Fuck yeah.

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Do you feel weird? Normal? What do the words “weird” and “normal” mean to you? I’d love to hear from you below!