Sign up now for 50+ free audio & video pre-recorded classes on living your truth, marketing, and relationships by clicking on this link.

Spec Work, Breathing, and Crying Over a Vacuum Cleaner.

By on February 29, 2012 in Systems and Strategy

Crumbled up on my gross-dirty-because-not-yet-vacuumed carpet, with the disassembled-refurbished-but-new-to-me Dyson vacuum cleaner spread out before me, it happened.

I wept.

I curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbed about a freaking vacuum cleaner.

Yesterday at 1:32 PM a machine that refused to reassemble was the one-more-thing that broke me.

Yes, I’ve been doing all the stuff you are supposed to do to avoid this problem.

Yoga. Meditation. Reading my Bible. Prayer. Morning pages. Alone time. Art. Organizing. Spending time in nature. Breathe. Long talks. Making lists. Thinking logically. Getting enough sleep. Exercise.

All of those “stress management techniques” cited in the books and websites and passed on by my doctor and my rolfing guy and personal trainer and what I freaking teach in my own programs that are supposed to keep me calm and able to handle my life and create my great work.

I had charts and checklists and reminders and apps that were making sure I did all of my self-care and routines and assignments that I needed to allegedly keep my head above water.

But my problem wasn’t the management of the too much stuff I had going on.

My problem was the too much freaking stuff I had going on.

Realizing that a full-scale breakdown in the face of a vacuum cleaner is not acceptable or normal, yesterday I decided that something must change.

And after sitting in the car, spilling my worries onto six pages while G was at theater class, I saw the problem.

(Or at least, one of the problems.)

Too much work on spec.

I was violating many of my biggest rules.

I’ve been working on almost a dozen project at one time, all of them on speculation – nothing pre-sold or pre-launched, all in the dreaming hoping let’s-see-if-this-works phase.

And trying to combine this spec work with paying-right-now work (coaching, consulting, selling current programs, telecommuting gigs) so I can get my post-divorce finances back in order and pay the bills.

Which meant that nothing actually shipped.

Which meant that I didn’t have time to sell or promote anything.

Which meant that the catch-up time I desperately needed was never going to come.

Which meant that I was falling apart.

So yesterday, I said no.

I said no to almost a dozen projects from my to-do list.

Information products, group coaching programs, physical products, audios, videos, joint venture ideas, tons of wonderful things that people would love (and some people were expecting me to create) but I am only one human being and regardless of my refusal to accept that fact … I cannot (and should not) do everything myself.

I return those programs, all those ideas, back to the ether …. where someone else can take those seeds to spin them into dreams of their own.

And, I said yes to one thing.

One spec project.

An iPhone app (and the corresponding other techy websitey businessy stuff to go with it) that I’m so excited about especially because in a way it’s an app that I want for my own self but it doesn’t exist yet so we’re creating this awesome thing for everyone. Yay!

Yes, I’m still writing my blog, recording the Live Your Truth Daily podcast, and posting the weekly EveryDay videos.

Yes, I’m still doing coaching, MBTI Type II administrations, and consulting.

Yes, I’m still going to sell my past programs that worked, at least once more (look for a big sale on April Fool’s Day, the 8th anniversary of me launching my first business).

And that’s it.

(Well, I’m also a mom and a woman and a friend and a lover and have hobbies and interests and other things going on … but that’s all my businessy stuff. Yeah, I know. Even after all this, I still suck at focusing.)

Oh, and btw, I did fix the vacuum.

Once I calmed down, stop crying and started breathing and looked at it, I saw that the little seal thingie fit into the other side of the thing and didn’t need to be forced and it really went back together easily and vacuumed wonderfully and I’m so happy I bought it and it works.

Funny how easy things can be when I stop forcing it and just breathe.

Hum.

No related posts.

, , , , , ,

  • http://www.DanaReeves.com/ Dana Reeves

    You’re following me, right?! Ha. This sounds like me for the past, oh I don’t know, six months. Little things that reduce me to a pile of emotions, followed by the realization that it’s really the other stuff (too much of the ‘bigger’ things) that I’m either too focused on, procrastinating about, or just plain ignoring that’s sending me into overload. I have a strange knack for always pushing the boundaries/limits of what I can humanly handle at one time. When I say ‘no’ the itty-bitty-shitty-committee pipes up and sends me on a guilt trip. When I say ‘yes’ the same committee chimes in about how ridiculous it is to take on more (or worse, I feel resentment towards the thing or person I said yes to). Vicious cycle. Still learning how to stay off that hamster wheel. :)

    Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. <3

  • http://website-in-a-weekend.net/ Dave Doolin

    Elizabeth, I can relate to being buried under speculative work. Projects that seem like such great ideas, but the deeper I seem to dig into them, the more horrible some of them seem to become. Then, as you mention, I find my priorities topsy turvy.

    (While all the following reads highly analytical, its purpose is ensuring a keep everything in its proper emotional balance.)

    What is working for me now is making sure every project has a 1. a specific goal, 2. ending criteria, and 3. enough project tasking (task item checklist, much overlap between projects) to ensure I can walk away at any time and not care one little bit. Even better, with this structure, I’ve found it very easy to pick up work on older projects when the time is better.

    I went back through all my open projects and restructured everything this way. It helped me drop a few “great projects.” 

    For new projects, if I can’t specify the goal and acceptance in advance, I either drop it or write a little blurb blog post on a private blog.

    If I can determine a worthy goal and acceptance criteria (that is, knowing in advance when it’s *done*), I’ll spend the 3-4 hours setting up the entire project overhead: strategy templates, SWOT, time sheet, revenue estimations, etc. 

    If after all this it still seems like a good idea, I’ll task it in depth.If it still seems like a good idea after tasking, I’ll start scheduling tasks into my daily workflow.

    If not, for any step, for any of the above, I’m now walking away from “great ideas.”

    Also, and this is important for me, I’m now looking for projects with tasks having a high degree of overlap, such that getting a task done for one project knocks out a similar task for 1 or 2 or 3 other projects.Finally, I’m now actively looking for W2 employment. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.  A story worth telling in detail, but not here right now.

    —-

    BTW, I’ve determined the lack of passion is not holding me back. What’s holding me back is too much passion. I love to get all wrapped up in meaningful activity. But meaningful and marketable isn’t always the same. So I’m cultivating some dispassion now, to help keep aligned with the higher purpose of helping people help themselves.

  • http://www.wildwomannetwork.com SandraLeeSchubert, Get heard.

    This is the question I ask myself - 
     “Does this really meet my needs or values?  When I remember to ask myself this question I am able to discern if any action will be a benefit to me at this moment. 

  • http://loveyourmessbook.com Allison Nazarian

    Realizing what you have been saying yes to that you thought you were saying no to is huge. Yay! :)