Every time I sat down at my desk to complete the next drawing lesson in Drawing From the Right Side of the Brain … something came up.

I didn’t have the right plexiglass frame. There were emails to answer. The lighting wasn’t right. The pencil needed sharpening. The kid was too loud.

For weeks I kept at it, trying to make it happen, trying to break through …

Until this morning, when I finally stopped to listen.

Yes, there are thousands of books and blogs and butt-kickers out there preaching on how to break through resistance, how to eat the elephant, how to write every morning or fight a war to create the art or just do the work.

And yes, I agree that many times, the resistance is from ego, the bitch in the corner, the fearful caveperson inside of us who is screaming at us, trying to keep us from not dying. At the expense of killing our purpose and passion and our changing of the world.

But there is another resistanceish message that comes from an opposite inside of us.

This opposite feels completely different than that ego.

She is a quiet whisper.

She is kind yet direct, accepting yet persistent, understanding yet strong.

She nudges.

Honey, that writing book is not the one that will work for you. I don’t care that it got the best amazon.com reviews or that the big writing schools use it in their courses or those other people said this is the one to get.

You need something more fun. More nurturing. More expansive. More gentle.

That other book … the one you bought and it’s sitting on your floor because it seems too informal and unprofessionalish and kind of weird and artsy? Yeah. Use that one.

Oh, and that drawing pad you bought because it was what the book said to get and what looked the most normal when you were in the art store? Yeah, that’s not what you need right now either.

You need a drawing journal. Something you love. With paper that feels good under your fingers, that’s sized so you can carry it around and draw from anywhere, with a blank front cover so no one is tempted to look at your neophyte drawings.

This morning, I listened to her.

To that little voice of wisdom, who knows what is in resonance with our souls.

She knows what is the right option – when we are trying to think ourselves into a should, when we are really close to the right choice and starting to force it instead of waiting for rightness to be received.

She knows when it’s the right time – when instead of spending months to force a manifesto, we could just wait until it’s ready to be written and spend two hours in a coffeehouse getting the thing done, on a lovely Friday afternoon.

She knows when it’s the right person – when we are trying to twist ourselves into a pretzel for this guy, instead of letting it happen with the guy who thinks we’re awesome, just by being ourselves.

She always knows our truth.

All we have to do is shut up and listen.

–

Do you have a little voice in your head that speaks the truth? How do you tell between that voice and the mean/unhelpful voice of your ego/resistance?

Please leave a message below – I’d love to hear from you!

#notatruestory

No, I’m not going to talk you into this with bullshit promises of fame and glory. That’s not my job.

My job here is to help you make a decision – yes or no. Anything but a maybe.

So in honor of you, of this program, of my purpose in empowering you to live your truth, here’s my guide on how to make the decision to buy Build Your Tribe.

Read the information. Watch the videos. Ask me any questions that come up for you.

For some of you, that will be it. You’ll know, and you’ll join us on the adventure.

And for some of you, you’re still not sure.

You’re still worried, concerned it may not work for you, unsure if spending the $97 pre-sale price is a good investment for your business, for your life.

So for you, I ask you to sit quietly and check in with yourself.

That feeling of uncomfortable – where is it coming from?

Does it feel slimy, coming from the outside of your body? Does it feel like you “should” buy this, that if you don’t buy it you’re missing out on something everyone else will know? Does it feel like this is the thing that will “save” you from yourself? Am I talking you into it, even though your gut knows better?

If that’s you, then don’t buy it.

That feeling of uncomfortable is your soul talking to you, saying that this is not the right program for you today. (Maybe it will be later, and you’ll join us next time. Either way, I still love you and you’re still in my tribe.)

Or … does that uncomfortable feel bubbly? Nervous? Excited-scary?

Is your brain making logical excuses for why you shouldn’t spend the money, why it won’t work for you, why you’re not ready or how you already know this stuff? Are you feeling weird about pushing your boundaries, being yourself online, revealing your truth to the world, taking big steps you’re not quite sure you’re up for yet?

If that’s you, today is the day. Build Your Tribe is for you.

That’s just your ego talking, that reptilian part of your brain who is trying to keep you mediocre and safe, who’s trying to make sure you don’t take any risks, that you keep to the rules of your industry or culture or family and do what everyone else is doing.

You deserve more.

Your business, your message, your story, your calling on this earth deserves more.

Join us for Build Your Tribe right now.

Don’t wait any longer to start creating the rest of your life.

#thatisall

Because I woke up from a nightmare depicting what I most worried about in one of my relationships.

Setting me off into a sleepless whirlybrain about love and friendship and the future and money and business and motherhood and stuff and my never-ending to do list.

It comes down to this.

When I stepped off the road of employment and marriage and a house in the suburbs, I abandoned the illusion of security that is the shoulds.

I have no idea what I should do. What you should be doing. What I should think. Who I should believe. What program I should launch. What opportunity I should choose. What I should spend money on. Who I should pick to be with me.

I have chosen relationships and a business and a life that are undefined by external standards.

There is nothing objective to judge my life against.

The only measurement is whether it works for me.

Whether I feel challenged and ecstatic and cared for and supported. Whether I’m fulfilled and growing and excited about life. Whether I’m empowered. Whether I’m happy. Whether I’m changing my corner of the world.

Sounds all fun and adventurous in the afternoon sun, but at two in the morning, with no one to ask except twitter and a blank TextEdit document, I am wallowing in the angst of uncertainty.

The shoulds – they felt certain. They felt secure.

Because that’s how the shoulds are designed.

The shoulds are an unspoken agreement in our culture of how we should behave and what we should believe in and what we should want and where we should be going. To conform us to that standard. To control how we feel.

By default, we are opted into that standard. We learn to feel comfortable. Secure that we are doing the right things, feeling the right feelings, thinking the right thoughts. Easy, because we don’t have to decide for ourselves. We can sleepwalk our way through life.

Unless you decide to opt out of the illusion.

Unless you decide to get okay with being uncomfortable.

Unless you decide to live in the uncertainty of the real.

A real that is delicious, challenging, alive. Frustrating, confusing, heartbreaking. Beautiful, energizing, fun.

A real that is everything.

So when I lose faith at two in the morning, when I’m drifting in angst and the illusion of uncertainty, I write. I ask myself the difficult questions. I act on inspiration.

I remember to trust.

Trust in the real. Trust in me. Trust in you. Trust in my truth.

#thatisall

… and be free.

Because hiding behind an artifice of perfection is tiring.

Hiding drains my life energy until I have nothing left to give.

Hiding is a slow progression to death of my soul.

But there is this incessant voice inside my head who constantly judges me, who wants … no, who demands that I be perfect.

Or, at least that I appear to be perfect.

As if that is the only way to succeed.

The only way to get people to read my blog. To follow me on twitter. To buy my stuff.

As if that is the only way to get someone to love me.

Yet in a fundamental irony of life, the exact opposite is true.

Only by confessing my inadequacies, only by revealing the ways in which I deviate from the norm, only by letting out the part of myself that is my greatest fear to be shared … only then can profound, intimate connections be made with other like souls.

So here are some of the things I don’t want to confess to you.

I’m taking alimony.

I can’t afford this amazing apartment in San Francisco, to pay for groceries and clothes for my daughter and plane tickets and new furniture … completely on my own. Yet. Right now a majority of my living expenses are paid for via spousal & child support.

I hate that I’m taking this money. Feels like I’m a failure of feminism, that I’m one of the lame gold-diggerish women who live from ex-husband to ex-husband, instead of financing my own life. Feels like a failure as an entrepreneur, that my newly-profitable business doesn’t yet produce enough cash to support my live-your-truth life.

My secret plan is the very second my business can replace the alimony, I’m releasing my ex-husband of any future obligations.

And from then on, I will be financially independent. Never ask a man to support my life. Always keep money separate from love.

But until that day, this is how I pay a majority of my bills.

I have raised my voice to my child.

Two weeks ago I taught the preview upstream class for the 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth program with my 4 1/2 year old daughter in the house.

Now usually (always) when I teach a class, my daughter is with her dad, or in childcare, or being watched by another person … never in the house with me. But it was a national holiday that are not in my current awareness, meaning that childcare was not available. And I thought, oh, I’m sure she can be quiet for just an hour. And I discussed the situation with her and she agreed (the agreement of a 4 year old? yeah. exactly.).

It did not go well. And everyone listening to the ustream got to hear me get impatient with my daughter. Lovely.

The thing is, I’m an introvert living with an extrovert child. And as much as I need private time to recharge, physical space every day, to energize myself … she needs constant connection, she needs other humans who love and care about her, to energize herself.

And after 3 weeks of being together almost 24-7 … both of us were energy deprived.

So every time people say, oh, you’re such a great mom, look at what you are doing as a mompreneur, it’s so amazing how you balance your life … I am saying to myself, yeah, if you only knew. If you only knew when I stick a DVD in her iMac and shut the door to my bedroom to gain a few minutes of peace. How relieved I am to drop her off with her dad for the weekend so I can have 48 continuous hours to simply be myself.

There are women where being a mom is their calling in life, where they can raise a dozen children and spend 24-7 with them and play all the time and homeschool them and cook them organic food and never run out of hugs.

But that is not me. Sometimes, I am full out of hugs. And sometimes, I just need a freaking break.

I have not been doing my bookkeeping.

Remember how I’m a financial expert? How I teach that “Money Meetings” thing, where you look at your numbers every week, keep on top of your finances, track your marketing stats, use cash flow projections to make important decisions about your business?

Yeah. I agree with all that. I teach all that. But I don’t necessarily do all that.

I mean, I have done it. But the last few months, I’ve been running around on adventures and moving and launching new programs and various other stories I could tell blah blah blah, and stopped doing my weekly money meetings, and even stopped inputting stuff into my bookkeeping program.

Not that I don’t look at my numbers, but it’s random and not I’m tracking historical trends more than late night obsessions over my google analytics.

And … I’m still deciding what I think about that, whether the way I was teaching weekly money meetings (as useful as it is for many people) actually works for me.

I forget most of my marketing.

I have dozen of affiliates that I forget to tell about launches. The last two launch preview calls, I forgot to tell my list about it until 48 hours before. I don’t remember or have a place to track who makes special inquiries about which upcoming program. I rarely remember to follow up.

Doing guest posts has been on my to do list for 9 months. I am a guest on radio shows and teleclasses and get press, but I don’t know why or how they found me and I don’t follow up with them or seek out such opportunities.

I launch programs without any upsells to something afterwards. I don’t let anything get out of beta before I abandon it and move onto the next thing. I even launch free programs with no upsell to a paid program. Up until very recently, I neglected to have anything for sale on my website.

It’s a wonder I any money at all.

And if one of my clients was doing this, I would flip out at them.

This is something I’m working on, and I know (for the most part) what to do. But it’s important for me to let you know … just because I know something doesn’t mean I always do it.

My websites are completely screwed up.

So most of you are on my website right now (and for the few of you reading the RSS feed, go ahead, click through to my site) … and let me ask you a question — what do I do?

rflol.

Yeah, exactly. When people go to my website, they can’t tell what I do.

And that’s not the only thing that’s screwed up. There’s no picture of me in the header or anywhere above the fold. There’s not even a real header. Half the stuff in the sidebar is broken. There are 64 different links off my homepage. There’s no way to buy anything.

And don’t even get me started on my sales pages.

Everything is in one column because I did it all myself. Too much white space in random places. It’s almost impossible to find the buy links. The copy is probably way too long. I forgot to ask for testimonials and didn’t put in pictures or any borders around the testimonials I do have on there. There are no buttons or graphics or colors of any kind.

I’m going to launch a new website soon, and get all of those sales pages revamped. But, in the meanwhile, they are out there on the interwebz, completely screwed up.

I don’t answer all of your emails.

I preach connecting with your tribe, building relationships with your community. Making that your priority.

But I miss emails from you. I have dozens sitting in multiple inboxes and follow up queues on multiple computers. And I don’t think I’ll ever catch up. And I just can’t let go to delegate to an assistant or automate anything.

I miss your @ replies. I miss your DMs. I have thousands of stuff sitting in my Facebook message box.

Sometimes it’s because I’m overwhelmed with amazing replies and just can’t get to all of them. Sometimes it’s because I can’t decide what to respond, so I put it off until the situation resolves itself or the opportunity passes me by. And sometimes it’s because I’m chickening out on conflict.

So yeah, I need to figure out how to balance connection with freaking getting stuff done.

And those confession are just the start of everything I fear you could learn about me.

The hearts of men that I have broken. How I’ve texted while driving. The dirty dishes left in my sink. That I didn’t put up a Christmas tree this year. I can’t iron. I don’t play with my cat. My car is a mess. The mail is piled up. I don’t always recycle. I’ve deleted my entire website by accident. I’ve filed tax returns late.

And I feel so much better from writing this down. And posting it. And that you’re reading this right now.

Because the secret is … some of you will be offended or lose faith in me.

And you will leave. As you should, because we were never meant to be.

But some of you will stay.

And here’s the awesome, amazing, delicious thing … with you I get to be myself. And not only is that okay with you … that’s why you like me, for the whole of me, including those parts of myself that I was afraid to share.

So … what are you afraid to share with us?

What are you thinking and not saying? What are you hiding that is leaching energy and life away from you? Who can’t you tell? What are you not speaking?

The tattoo is not because “Live Your Truth” is my brand (lol), but it is a visual reminder, a renewal of the decision I made back in June … to live my truth, to choose to be uncomfortable every day, to be a visible leader.

My new tattoo is the ink on my live your truth contract. The contract I made with myself.

But … good thing you don’t have to get a tattoo to start living your truth, eh?

If you want to learn more about living your truth, or make your own commitment to your “live your truth” journey, join us at http://theliveyourtruthproject.com

And … I’d love to hear your tattoo story, your adventure story, your “how you memorialized your commitment to yourself” story … or anything else you’d like to share or comment about.

There are 24 entries in my “blog post ideas” text file. A few one-liners, a few with a couple bullet points, and two that are brain dumps of half-formed paragraphs and unconnected ideas.

I spend a fair amount of my life in the creation of content. Whether it’s an adventure, a tragedy, a haunting idiosyncrasy or a moment of enlightenment … always thinking, would this make an interesting video, an epic blog post? Is this a chapter in my next book?

But I’m still surprised, confused, upset, intimidated, when someone calls me a writer.

I’m comfortable being called an attorney – I mean, I have a degree and a license and passed a test and have the certificate that says I earned that one.

I’m obviously a mom – gave birth, raising the kid, spending tons of time and energy full of guilt that I’m not doing the right thing. I’ve totally earned that one.

Sometime during the last 6 years I morphed into an entrepreneur. Not when I started my business … back then I was just an independent attorney/financial advisor … but over the last 6 years I embraced the crazy, risk-taking, addiction of the startup entrepreneur.

Back in November 2009 I became a blogger. After refusing to write a word for 6 months (well, except for a few thousand tweets), I came back from a live event and reported my truth. And burned some bridges. And dozens of people commented, emailed, @ replied, RT’d, DM’d me how my truth resonated with their truth. I was just the one who spoke the controversy they were thinking but not saying. And, as such, I became a blogger.

I’ll even let you call me a coach. That one took a while … because I’ve never taken a training program, or been certified, or had some entity or organization or person proclaim me an official coach. It wasn’t until I was paid specifically to coach clients, until I got those first emails “just one thing you said made me back the money for this entire coaching program” and “thank you so much for making everything clear” that I realized, I do it intuitively. There is something about who I am, what I bring with me when I walk into a room or get on the phone with a client, that brings caring and courage and clarity. I was born a coach.

The latest addition to my twitter bio is aspiring adventurer. This is the part of me that I forgot when I decided to grow up at age 25 and be who I was “supposed” to be, instead of what I thought was unrealistic and impossible. This is what my last 3 months have been about, remembering the crazy EPW, the one who wants to go past the warning signs and jump out of planes and live a life of ecstasy. Yes, at heart, I am an adventurer.

And then we come to that whole “writer” thing.

Augh.

I am sitting here in the cantina at Chevy’s, nursing a margarita to lubricate the writing of this post.

And I understand why so many writers become alcoholics.

Because unlike law, motherhood, blogging, coaching, adventuring …

Writing is an art.

It is fundamentally a creative, inspired endeavor.

There is no objectivity. There is no done. There is no decision.

There is no degree or test or certification or award that tells you when you are a writer.

It is something that just happens. Or something we are cursed. Or blessed. Or born to be.

Writing takes everything.

As an INFJ personality, my core, my truth is complicated and personal and protected. To reveal that on the page is incredibly intimate. And consuming. Like I’m possessed by an urge that’s both irresistible and abusive to my sanity.

And after the creation, I’m spent. Hungover. I need a nap or a drink or an intervention.

And then once the post goes live? Once I tweet it and post it to facebook and email it to my list?

Then comes the obsessive refreshing of the page to see if I have any comments. The checking my @ replies for retweets.

I usually have to turn off my internet (and I mean turn off the freaking router) and go to Starbucks or Target or watch a movie on iTunes to give people enough time to actually read the blog post and have a chance to comment, before I freak because no one has commented in the 30 seconds since the post went live.

When people say “I want to be a writer” I look at them, flabbergasted, as if they have said “I want to be a heroin addict” or something equally insane. I mean, who in the world would wish this on themselves? Who would wish this on anyone?

And then I look back on my life. A childhood of writing short stories and poetry and unfinished novels. The reading of thousands of books. Taking classes in creative writing where I felt that I failed because I got an A- instead of an A. Having everything I’ve ever submitted for publication to be accepted, in papers and magazines and newsletters and blogs and books, and yet never been paid for any of them.

I’ve been a writer my whole life.

But I never felt crowned a writer.

… 0f course, maybe all of this angst is total bullsh*t.

Maybe writing is not a terrible curse. Maybe it is not anything. Maybe this is just something that I am, something that I have to get over.

And maybe the process of getting over it is the painful part.

Once I get over it, accept it, embrace it … then it’s just something that’s a true fact. Part of me. Like having blond hair or speed reading or loving spicy food or understanding particle physics.

So that was my 2010 New Year’s Resolution. Not a goal, or a thing to quit.

My 2010 New Year’s Resolution was to get over the fact that I really am a writer.

And … isn’t it interesting how I phrased that?

“Get over the fact…” <– That’s not a decision. That’s a proposal to decide in the future. wtf.

So screw that resolution.

Let’s make a declaration right now.

I am a writer.

And that fact is not something that is terrible. That fact is not a curse.

It’s just a fact. A part of who I am. A thing that I do.

I’m not saying that I’m the most brilliant writer that ever lived, or that everyone is going to like how I write, or that I’m going to create powerful prose every day.

Writing is just one of the many ways in which I live my truth.

So the next time you see me lament on twitter about how hard it is to write, the next time you hear me whine about the last blog post … call me on that angst filled bullsh*t.

Writing is just one thing that I do.

#thatisall

—

Are you struggling with being a writer? Are you refusing to embrace a part of who you are? Are you manufacturing angst in your life by refusing to accept part of your calling?

I’d love to hear your feedback, thoughts, comments below!

How unlike every launch I have ever done, for the very first time, I met my membership goals. Actually, I surpassed my goals.

I was going to share the strategies I used in creating buzz, crafting the offer, the timing, the freebies. How I put the opt-in and the sales page on the same page, even when the program wasn’t open. The beta test. The limited time lower price. What went in the emails and the ustream classes. Those last few email blasts and tweets.

And how I was going to use these tactics on my next relaunch (for 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth).

Then I realized I couldn’t.

I couldn’t use these tactics because I backed myself into a corner in The Live Your Truth Project.

And I couldn’t write the blog post because the launch didn’t work because of tactics. It worked because of something else.

Here’s my truth.

For a long time, I was taught the nasty sales strategies of never taking no for an answer. Pushing. Closing.

I had upsells. Annoying popups. Big red headlines. Results based testimonials. Automatic recurring charges. Tricky subjects in the email blasts. Hype.

I scared the crap out of you. Told you that if you didn’t buy this, it would ruin your life. You would fail.

If you didn’t buy this, you were wasting your time. You would be a fool.

Then … I got religion about this selling stuff thing.

Selling is bad. Taking advantage of people. Short-sighted. Old fashioned.

Thank god, because I hated selling. Ick.

Now it’s about …

“Sharing Amazing Content!”

and

“Building the Relationship!”

That’s the big movement, the big shift that’s happening in our industries, in social media, in business. Right?

Yes. No. Well, not exactly.

By themselves, sharing content and building relationships are just more pillars to hide behind.

Another way to keep us from fully realizing our brilliance. Another oversimplification distracting from why were are really here.

Dude. This is not a freaking nonprofit.

If I can’t make money, I can’t do this anymore.

As much as I would love to live off of blog comments and emails and @replies, …. well, you get the point.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Actually, it’s a good thing.

The Work that we are doing here is not about one extreme or the other.

It’s about balance. The third tribe. Finding a way to create something amazing and change people’s lives while building a real business.

It’s about transparency. Being completely honest that the reason I’m giving away all this content is so you can try it out to see if you want to buy the thing.

It’s about caring. I want you to succeed. I want you to learn this stuff.

If you have this problem, if you resonate with me, if you know this is the right solution for you, then damnit, buy this!

And, if you don’t have this problem right now, if you’re not quite sure about me, if you don’t feel in your gut that this is right for you … then damnit, don’t buy it.

That’s why the 4 Weeks to Video launch worked. Not because of how I did it. Not the steps. Not the tactics. Those were all just natural expressions that flowed from the real reason this launch worked.

The launch worked because I cared. But I didn’t just care about you. I also cared about me.

I cared about me being compensated for the work I do, for my expertise, for my brilliance, for what I love to create.

I cared about making money to pay the rent. I cared about being able to eat. I cared about being able to pay for the stuff my kid needs.

I cared about going on crazy new adventures and traveling to hang out with my best friends.

So I’m ripping apart the launch plan for 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth.

I’m making every decision, writing every piece of copy, making every video, scheduling every ustream … from that place.

From the place of caring about you. And the place of caring about me.

I’ll let you know how that works out.

–

I teach that we should always put a call to action at the end of every blog post to get people to comment on the post. Asking a specific question, what you think about xyz, what was your experience with this situation, whatever.

I don’t know what to ask you today.

So, if you like, please answer the question you wished I had asked.

I really love reading your comments and want to hear from you.

#thatisall

These decisions seem completely unreasonable.

The program makes money. The book was already printed. The website got google organic traffic.

But sometimes the only way to move forward is to let things go.

Is there anything in your business that’s distracting you from what you really want to be doing?

What’s in your business that’s leftover from who you were yesterday?

What do you need to let go of so you can be 100% yourself?

Are you stuck? Got writer’s block? Unable to take action?

There are tons of guru’s out there who will teach you how to overcome or breakthrough your resistance so you can make a big decision or take big action.

But today I have another take on resistance … instead of trying to “resist” your resistance, look at it as a message from yourself to help you make decisions & take actions more aligned to your purpose & your truth.

But to use resistance as a tool you have to answer the big question … is your resistance coming from your soul, or from your ego?