I thought my writing today would be about finishing that post.

Spending another day in the wallow of self-doubt. Frozen. Melancholy.

Until a little tiny light appeared inside of me.

And I remembered the truth.

I don’t have to.

I don’t have to wallow. I don’t have to stay in this thick fog of grey monocromaticness. I don’t have to keep plodding around and around the revolving door of the lull.

I can break the pattern.

The first way I’m breaking the pattern is to engage in a major self-care assignment today.

The second way I’m breaking the pattern is to remember.

Remember why.

Why I don’t just get a job. Why I don’t just run away. Why I don’t just give up and lay down and fall asleep forever.

Why am I doing all this anyway, living my life out loud, speaking my truth, pushing my boundaries, being myself 100% of the time?

What am I passionate about, right now?

What about this life really gets me off?

And the fact that it’s really hard for me to answer that question right now means it’s the exact question I need to answer. Immediately.

So here are a few things I love.

I love the Moment. The Moment someone wakes up to their own life, decides that from now until forever they will walk, run, fly away screaming from monotony, live every day from now on in the world of the real. Those emails, tweets, DMs, Facebook posts, blog comments when someone shares that the little words I write have somehow changed their life for the better. Fuck yeah.

I love the look on my daughter’s face. When she discovers something, when she is full of giving and joy, when she knows she’s helped someone or has made someone laugh, when she’s made a new friend or read a new word or climbed higher than she thought possible. I love when she comes up to hug me and I ask her why and she says, “nothing. I just love you, mommy.”

I love when happens when I pole dance. The second when I switch from using my brain to think my way through a dance, to just being in the flow, when I am completely in my body, directly connected to the music, such that when it’s over I have absolutely no idea what I was doing for those 3+ minutes, but I can feel the peace and joy it produces in my very being.

I love the sound of his voice. There is something about it that shifts me, immediately, into another state of being, into the feminine, into receiving and softness and beauty and ecstasy and balance … even though it also unbalances me, throws me off, shocks me, pushes me, challenges me, calls up my strength and power and inner recesses of truth and mystery.

I love dark chocolate. Hummus, grilled cheese sandwiches, guacamole, things that are deep fried, salty chips and double stuffed oreos.

I love the sand squishing in between my toes. The smell of freshly cut wood when I come around a corner, the cool breeze on my face smelling of salt and ocean and earth, the natural silence of the an empty path meandering through the woods tucked at the edge of the city.

I love the city. The unlimited chaos and choices and people and energy, bubbling over underneath as I watch from my 4th floor balcony or the top of the park waterfall or the end of the pier as I drink my large mocha and eat my everything bagel with all-the-fat cream cheese.

I love the airport. The transitional people moving from one life to the next wandering through the bar or standing confused at the top of the escalator, the quiet space of the undisturbed hotel room full of expectations and possibleness and peace, the exploration of a new city or a new beach or a new waterfront drive with no rules or maps or parameters.

What about you?

What do you love about this life?

What do you love about your business, these people, what you are doing on this earth?

Why are you doing this anyway?

What do you need to remember?

Why? Well, it’s Las Vegas. Okay, I also went there to throw a tweetup and hang with the other entrepreneurs attending Ali Brown’s Shine Event.

After 5 days in Vegas, here’s what I learned:

Sometimes you need to do it with your eyes open.

The first “event” after arriving in Las Vegas on Wednesday was arranged by my friend Alexis Martin Neely — a yoga-ish tantric-ish bodywork-ish class facilitated by Alexis’ friend Charu. Don’t ask me to explain what this class was, I am totally not the woo-woo girl who knows about this stuff (yes, I own yoga clothes, but it’s for wearing on laundry day, not actually doing yoga).

Bottom line is that this class was designed to get this small group of women back into ourselves so we can access the power & truth in our bodies.

After working with us for a while, we each paired up with another woman in the group and did exercises which involved extended eye contact. This totally freaked me out.

Not because it was a way to really connect with another person (I’m totally into seeing other people’s stuff) but because it involved letting the other person into my stuff. Whoh.

Here’s the thing, I have a history of doing it (ahem) with my eyes closed to keep the other person at a bit of a distance, to maintain the artifice of who I think I appear to be.

So standing right there, with that woman in front of me, I decided frak it, I’m keeping my eyes open.

And I kept my eyes open for the next 5 days. Strangely, people seemed to still like me. Or at least they didn’t run away screaming.

Maybe I shouldn’t get used to having fans.

Something weird happened in the last 6 months. From some magical combination of making transparent videos & sharing TMI (too much information) on twitter, I became a famous person.

Okay, not an actual famous person. More like famous in a tiny tiny little world. I don’t know, maybe to like 5 people or something.

What I mean by “famous” is that people know me, really well, who I don’t yet know back. Not that I don’t want to know them … I just have not yet connected with everyone who feels that they have already connected with me.

So when I had my pre-shine tweetup on Wednesday night, not only did people actually show up (whew!) but some of them came to see me. Well, I’m sure they also came to talk to other people, but they wanted to connect with me in person, since they had seen my videos, followed me on twitter, or been on my list, and already knew me. Except I didn’t know them. Yet.

And let me tell you, that’s really strange. People I don’t know asking me to be in a picture with them, or just wanting to introduce themselves & say how much I have helped them. Awesome, yes. But really, really weird.

At first I thought, well, I have to get used to it. Get used to being a famous-in-a-tiny-tiny-world person, so when I’m an actual famous person, it’s easy. But the thing is, “getting used to it” might involve expecting it. Getting jaded. Holding myself up over the “other” people. Gross.

So never mind re getting used to it. I’m just going to get okay with being freaked out about it.

And, I’m going to keep connecting, keep engaging, keep nurturing the relationships I have with my tribe. So the next time I hook up with them IRL (in real life), it will be, well, less weird.

I am already awesome.

On day 1 of Shine, we were supposed to fill out a worksheet to figure out what needed to be done about our business and lives.

Question: how are you frustrated about your business & life?

Answer: Objection, question assumes facts not in evidence. (Sorry, inside lawyer joke there.)

Answer: My life & business are awesome.

Any frustrations I have are little things (my computer not working fast enough, the Starbucks chick forgetting to stir my mocha, etc.) that are easily moved through or solved.

And that’s huge. Every other year, I had a whole list of reasons my life & business sucked. But for the first time, I realized that they don’t. My life & business are freaking awesome. And whenever they aren’t, I immediately take action to make them so.

Really, that was worth the price of admission.

Knowing that I don’t need anything. Knowing that I’m already kickass.

Now that is freaking awesometastic.

(coming soon – part two, including: “If it worked yesterday does not mean it will work tomorrow” and “Bullsh*t does not work on social media.”)

Did you go to Ali Brown’s Shine event?  What did you think?  I want to hear from you — leave a comment below.

I have always loved to sing, but stopped singing in public when I was in 7th grade, when another girl got the lead in the church musical. At the time, I did not realized it was because unlike me, she had been taking singing & dancing lessons for years. But I viewed that as confirmation that singing was not my calling, and from then on, only sang to myself.

So here’s a little song for my Live Your Truth peeps, the first time I’ve sang in “public” in 20 years. Not only is this an example of doing something (very!) uncomfortable, but also a way of bringing a seemingly-unrelated passion into my business (as we discussed in 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth).

Why am I posting the video on my blog?

Well, because the very idea of posting it in public for everyone to see kind of makes me want to throw up. So, that means I totally have to do it. Cause that’s how I roll.

And … be nice.

The only way to find your voice is to speak it. Every day.

Check out the first video in this series: Live Your Truth Principle #1: Combine Passion With Skill

If this video resonates with you be sure to check out 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth group coaching program — in this program, you’ll have an opportunity to find & practice speaking your voice!

I’ve found that it’s not just about finding your purpose, or “making money from your passion.” To “live your truth” is to combine your passion with your marketable skills to create your unique business & ideal lifestyle.

If this video resonates with you, I invite you to learn more about the 6 Weeks to Live Your Truth group coaching program. If you have any questions about the program, or feedback from this video, feel free to comment below or contact me directly.

I was inspired to make this video (made in a hotel room in San Diego) by Jason Jennings’s book Think Big Act Small: How America’s Best Performing Companies Keep the Start-up Spirit Alive, and the free chapter of Gary Vaynerchuk (@GaryVee)’s new book CRUSH IT! Why NOW Is the Time to Cash In On Your Passion.

Here’s the thing … even though my decision does happen in business every day (especially for those who become *great*), it’s definitely not being talked about enough in our industry. And for a long time I was afraid to say this out loud … but after reading Jason’s book and Gary’s chapter, I’m convinced it was right for me and it may be right for some of you.

Has everyone been telling you that you need to “pick just one?”

For us multipassionate (to quote Marie Forleo) entrepreneurs, focusing on “just one thing” would be the death of us.  But if we don’t “focus” how can we get anything done?