Tears of suffering from the harsh lies of the bitch in the corner. Tears of hopelessness, tears of trapped, tears of working, pushing, forcing, trying to make it happen so hard, for so long, so many times that it seems pitiful, idiocy, failure to continue.

And with deadlines looming ahead of me, of when I will no longer receive support, of when debts will be called, of when it must happen or else …. I wonder.

Is the fear right?

Maybe this is impossible.

Maybe continuing this thing is throwing good time, good money, good energy after bad.

Maybe, even though I change people’s lives, even though I’ve experienced more joy and connection and freedom in the last few years than I thought was possible, even though I know there are people that I have yet to help …

Maybe this venture is doomed.

So I wonder … is there another option?

Another option that seems more reasonable.

More likely. More endorsed by society and logic and the bitch in my head.

Well yes. There is another option.

The other option is to go back.

Back to safety, to stability, to a guaranteed paycheck with a great 401(k) and health package and a few weeks of vacation every year.

Back to becoming that girl.

Well … that’s only sort of an option.

You see, that 401(k) menagerie has been ruined for me forever.

Now I know that there is no safe, that the stability is an artifice, that there are no guarantees.

Now that I know, going back would be the foolish choice.

I wish there was some third choice.

Something real but not scary.

Something changing the world, but not risky.

Something following my purpose, without having to face my lessons.

But that’s not how it works, eh?

It’s feel the fear, or it’s be the fool.

We can choose to live in uncomfortable, to take the risks, to grow past our boundaries … or we can choose to push our heads back inside the sand, to chicken out, to shrink our souls.

There is no in between.

#fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

That is all, my loves. Goodnight.

And now that horrid, sickening feeling is coursing through your body.

Your mind, your gut, your very cells, the genes passed down to you from your caveperson ancestors who needed them to flee saber-toothed tigers and various impending dooms are all screaming at you:

STOP! IMMINENT DANGER! YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF DEAD IF YOU JUMP OFF THIS CLIFF!

Worse, they’re shooting hormones through you, sabotaging your great leaps of spirit and faith, by dragging you back down into basic human-animal survival mode.

Into acting practically. Into acting rationally.

Into the deadening morass of the management of risk.

Unless.

Unless you make the choice that makes your ego, the bitch in the corner, the resistance monster, and the caveperson in you all cringe in fear and disbelief, wanting to gang up on you to kidnap your soul and stick you with pins until you give into their mediocratic bidding.

Unless you make the completely unreasonable choice.

Unless you choose to live every day in the Uncomfortables.

Yes, you read that right. Live. Every. Day.

Because that is the first terrible secret.

This panic? This fear?

This sense that you need to run or fight or throw up or hide under a warm thick blanket so the unknowns can’t drag you away?

That feeling doesn’t go away.

As long as you are living your truth, as long as you keep pushing your boundaries, as long as you are moving forward and expanding your soul, you will feel scared and uncertain and uncomfortable every single day.

Yes. Every. Day.

But before you run away to wail and beat your chests, deriding the futileness of it all, let me share the second terrible secret with you.

The Uncomfortables are actually a gift.

The Uncomfortables are a tool to help you live with the ramifications of the Moment, to manage the challenges of Living Your Truth.

The trick is to recharacterize the Uncomfortables from a feeling to be avoided – to a feeling to be appreciated. To be cherished.

Reprogramming your brain to use the Uncomfortables as a signpost, customized for your mind, your body, your soul.

A thermometer to measure whether you’re doing something mediocre or magnificent, whether you’re staying in safety or pushing your boundaries, whether you’re stuck in the shoulds or living your truth.

The third terrible secret is that the Uncomfortables always mean something very particular.

Is this Uncomfortable a scary-yet-exciting, a sickening-yet-expansive message from your ego who wants to keep you small and safe? Does it mean, yes, this scary action is exactly what will move you forward on the path to embracing and living your truth?

Then thank your ego for the fear & take the scary action anyway.

Or, is this Uncomfortable a gross, disempowering, deflating message from your soul who wants you to fulfill your purpose on this earth? Telling you that this scary action is a guilt-ridden should that would take you backward into mediocrity, and must be avoided at any cost?

Then thank your soul for the fear & say no to the should.

The fourth terrible secret of the Uncomfortables is only you will know the difference.

Only you will know if the Uncomfortable means hell yes or hell no.

Sorry about that.

–

This is part 3 of The Live Your Truth Manifesto.

–

How do you deal with the fear, with the uncomfortable feelings?

Have they gotten better? Have they changed for you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts below!

Until I look up & realize I’ve arrived at the end. The Ferry Building.

And I start looking for that bench. On that pier. To sit and find the peace I desperately need.

Because this morning — I’m full.

I’m full of every feeling that exists.

Hundreds of worries are whorling in my brain.

Am I picking the right pre-K program for Gracie or ruining her for life? Will I be able to pull off the launch of Live Your Truth on Video or will I run out of money? How will I get through all that unanswered email? Where is the title for my car I sold yesterday? Did I pay the AT&T bill? When will I see him again? Why isn’t anyone texting me?

And hundreds of happies.

Relief from selling my car, and fun plans on how to spend the money. Excitement for next month’s speaking gig, for seeing my BFFs in September and October, for feeling the rhythm of my life finally coming together this fall. Joy that my daughter is healthy. Electricity tingling through me as I remember delicious events from the last few weekends.

And I wonder … is this how it will always be?

Does experiencing the deliciousness of life mean that I’ll constantly wake up with a live your truth hangover?

Then a text comes in from my BFF Allison Nazarian, laughing about the idiot thing I had done earlier that morning.

And as I see her name in front of me, I remember her new book, Love Your Mess. And I think … there you go, Elizabeth.

The mess. The whorlybrain. The pacing. The loss of sleep.

This chaos … is not something to fight. To work through. To be over. To finish.

The mess is it.

We are growing beings, expanding ourselves into our souls, into our truth, into the physical manifestation of our purposes on this earth.

And that brilliant process … is sticky.

Chaotic. Uncomfortable. Painfully real.

And at the same time … it’s full of ecstasy.

Growth. Challenge. Love. Sex. Money. Fun.

So sitting on that particular bench, I decided to recharacterize my whorlybrain (just like I recharacterized my uncomfortableness, 14 months ago.).

That feeling of chaos and uncertainty and not-being-there-yet is not bad. Is not something to struggle against or to cure or to move past.

The whorlybrain is me being real.

I will never be done with my whorlybrain. I will never be done with everything on my to do list. With all of my projects. I will never every relationship resolved. Have no conflict. No worries. No ego.

I will never move past whorlybrain into some zen state where my mind turns off and I float magically down the river of attraction, arriving on the island of all knowingness. And I’m finished. Done.

No.

Done isn’t going to happen.

The learning, the exploration, everything wonderful and terrible about that continuous expansion … there is nothing undesirable about it.

The growing is the point.

So instead of being angst filled about my whorlybrain this morning, I decided to be okay about my whorlybrain. Interested. Excited.

Take the whorlybrain as a sign. A sign that it’s all happening.

That the reason I’m so full is because I’m being pulled forward in the delicious and right (yet scary and stressful and profoundly real) direction.

I’m so full because I’m being invited to move past my boundaries, by the undeniable truth of my real.

–

Do you get whorlybrain? Do you get the feeling that you are not there yet? Do you think there is a “there” to get to?

Feel free to leave a comment below – I’d love to hear how this feels for you!

#notatruestory

No, I’m not going to talk you into this with bullshit promises of fame and glory. That’s not my job.

My job here is to help you make a decision – yes or no. Anything but a maybe.

So in honor of you, of this program, of my purpose in empowering you to live your truth, here’s my guide on how to make the decision to buy Build Your Tribe.

Read the information. Watch the videos. Ask me any questions that come up for you.

For some of you, that will be it. You’ll know, and you’ll join us on the adventure.

And for some of you, you’re still not sure.

You’re still worried, concerned it may not work for you, unsure if spending the $97 pre-sale price is a good investment for your business, for your life.

So for you, I ask you to sit quietly and check in with yourself.

That feeling of uncomfortable – where is it coming from?

Does it feel slimy, coming from the outside of your body? Does it feel like you “should” buy this, that if you don’t buy it you’re missing out on something everyone else will know? Does it feel like this is the thing that will “save” you from yourself? Am I talking you into it, even though your gut knows better?

If that’s you, then don’t buy it.

That feeling of uncomfortable is your soul talking to you, saying that this is not the right program for you today. (Maybe it will be later, and you’ll join us next time. Either way, I still love you and you’re still in my tribe.)

Or … does that uncomfortable feel bubbly? Nervous? Excited-scary?

Is your brain making logical excuses for why you shouldn’t spend the money, why it won’t work for you, why you’re not ready or how you already know this stuff? Are you feeling weird about pushing your boundaries, being yourself online, revealing your truth to the world, taking big steps you’re not quite sure you’re up for yet?

If that’s you, today is the day. Build Your Tribe is for you.

That’s just your ego talking, that reptilian part of your brain who is trying to keep you mediocre and safe, who’s trying to make sure you don’t take any risks, that you keep to the rules of your industry or culture or family and do what everyone else is doing.

You deserve more.

Your business, your message, your story, your calling on this earth deserves more.

Join us for Build Your Tribe right now.

Don’t wait any longer to start creating the rest of your life.

#thatisall

I’m a tryer on of things. Perhaps it comes from being born in the Year of the Monkey, but I’m driven by curiosity. I want to know firsthand…to taste…to feel…to explore. I desire a myriad of experiences.

In college, I tried on a sorority. I tried on feminism. I tried on sports. I tried on pre-med, art classes, nursing school, public relations, and journalism. And I tried on a hell of a lot of different kinds of parties. Some fit well and others did not.

And in each of these places, I found bits of what is true in me.

After college, I tried on living in Florida, Atlanta, Colorado, and Oregon. I tried on traveling. And I tried on staying put. I tried on corporate life and I tried on entrepreneurship.

In all of these experiences, I discovered morsels of my own perfect gospel.

I’ve tried on many relationships. I’ve been to Burning Man and Mardi Gras. I’ve salsa danced and tantric danced and belly danced. I’ve invested in real estate and the stock market. I’ve made money and I’ve lost money. I’ve had successes and failures.

Each one of these undertakings has opened up new windows inside myself, allowing me to see a new facet of my multi-passionate psyche.

I am a seeker. I am on an unending and relentless quest to uncover my truth.

I’ve giggled at the peak of a mountain, cried in the desert, and screamed at the night. I’ve hated myself and loved myself. I’ve been kind, compassionate, loving…and I’ve been mean, judgmental, and curmudgeonly. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I’ve let go.

And knowing those things are all part of living my truth.

Find what is true in you.

Do whatever it takes. Let no class be left unattended. No trip left untraveled. No path left unwalked in your quest to find your true self. Find what is calling you. Listen to your inner whispers.

Yes, this will take you though pain and failure and fear. But, it will also result in discovering your passions. You will unveil the truths inside you. And at the end of your life, you’ll be able to look back and say “Hell yes! That was the ride of my life!”

The people who are truly creating long-lasting, success know themselves.

They know their truth. They live their truth.

And to be clear, truth is absolutely and utterly different for every one of us. Some of us will choose to live in a mansion and others will choose to sleep under the stars.

There is no right answer. There is only the answer that is right for you.

When you start focusing on how you can expand and grow through living your truth, beautiful, wonderful, magical things begin to happen. You magnetically attract your right audience. They come flocking to you in droves. People have an internal radar that recognizes individuals who are in their own truth. Because they feel the passion. They sense authenticity.

Finding your truth and living in it day by day, minute by minute is not an easy road. It means you take the most frightening path. You begin to do those things that scare you the most. When we are pushing our own envelope, it feels absolutely, insanely terrifying. And it may take you through profound changes in your work life, your relationships, and your inner world. You will shift. You will rock your foundation and your core.

But, for anyone who really wants to create success and freedom, here’s the thing. It is essential to find your truth.

To live the life you really want, you have to get uncomfortable. You abandon the illusion of security that is daily routine. It starts with your willingness to take risks, leaping into those places that scare you the most. And you know what they are.

You have to look in the mirror and say, “Screw you fear! I am done with your lies.” And instead of listening to the stories you’ve played in a loop inside your head over and over, begin to ask, “Is this true? Is this my truth?” And the barriers that have prevented you from being your biggest self will begin to fall away.

This is when life becomes really delicious. It’s when you are raw and energized and in love with every single person that you meet. You are connected to your true self.

So do what it takes to step into your full power as a human being. Be curious at every turn. Keep asking “Why?” Find your Great Work. And then be wildly generous with your assets. Share your joys and your gifts with others.

Speak your truth. Embrace your truth. Live your truth.

And I’ll be right there with you on the journey.

So adventurer, what do you seek? Let me know in the comments below…

About Wendy Maynard: Wendy writes MavenDiary.com, a blog about how inspired entrepreneurs can express our truth through personal branding and online marketing.

I have to admit, I was super excited and super scared when Elizabeth asked me to write about living my truth.

I am honored and humbled to be included on her mission to help people live their truth. And I am very flattered that she felt that you should get to know me and how I live my truth.

What does living my truth look like?

Well, first you should know a little about me. I have been married for over ten years to a phenomenal dude named Rob. We have two beautiful children, Abby and Amelia, who are 8 and 7. Up until this year, I was a work at home mom with my own successful at home business and a volunteer with the base, my church, the kid’s school and activities and the community. Earlier this year, some of my truth came out in the form of me needing to take a part time job to make some consistent income so on top of all of that, I now am an administrative assistant to two wonderful women.

All of that is great information. And for a long time, if you asked about me, those are the kind of answers you would get: who I am in relationship to other people. I am a wife, a mom, etc.

But none of that is who Martha is. Those answers are not my whole truth.

Martha is fun, full of life, confident, a procrastinator, a dreamer, an optimist, and most of all, marvelous.

A few months ago, I was pretty lonely. We moved to San Antonio two years previously and I still hadn’t found my exact niche here. For those two years I did what I was “supposed” to do – work my business, volunteer at the school and the base, keep house as best I could. I had met plenty of really wonderful people. My husband’s job here has great hours, my kids are in a great school. We live in a great community.

But I was still lonely. And depressed. So I got some help solving the chemical imbalance and I started kind of hanging out on Twitter. And I started watching/stalking some amazing people on there.

Stalking Elizabeth on twitter is what lead to me learning about living my truth.

Watching her rant about Vegas, write about her relationship or lack thereof with her husband, watching her grow in her relationships with her BFFs and watching her brand Live Your Truth made me realize that I too can live my truth.

Living MY truth. Living YOUR truth.

What does it mean to you? What does it mean to me?

For me, it means being Martha in the whole.

Not forgetting the parts of me that make me. Sometimes I get busy and forget who I am. Instead I focus on being a mom, a wife, a business woman, a volunteer, an administrative assistant, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I am really good at all of those things. Probably better than most. But I have not always been a very good Martha.

I have been working on living my truth for months now. Ever since I heard of the concept, it has stirred something inside of me. The idea of remembering who I am. Who I am as an individual. But sitting down to write about it is causing a conflicting set of thoughts running around my head.

The first part is to wonder if I really am living my truth enough to write about it.

I fully admit that I have at least two areas of my life that I do not have control over. The truth in one of those areas keeps me from doing things I want to do, and I use it as an excuse. But now I have admitted it, and I am working on keeping it from keeping me to do the things that I love. Things that I want to do in my life. Admitting it is the first step, action is the second.

The second is to remember that I am living my truth.

Those are five very scary words to write. I remember that this is my truth, not yours. No one has the right to judge me on my truth. And I am living in my little world of Martha the best I can. When you declare that you are living your truth, you are declaring that you know who you are, where you want to go, and that you are comfortable in your skin. And that you are uncomfortable enough to make the changes that you need to make to be living your truth. Some of those changes are easy. Some are going to be long. Some are going to be hard. But they are all worth it so that we can keep true to who we are.

What does living my truth entail?

Being true to who I am. Doing things everyday that I love. Listening to music that makes me happy. Wearing clothes, shoes, jewelry, and makeup that make me feel good, powerful and strong. It means doing the things that I want to do. Yes, my truth involves some not fun things (doing laundry, dishes, and cleaning the toilets is not fun to me).

Also in my truth is that I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a business owner. So part of my truth reflects that. You will find me cleaning right before guests come over. You will find me taking off from my job so that I can go to field trips with my kids. You will find me watching TV that my husband wants to watch because his love language is quality time and I want to show him that I love him. I go to meetings and network to build my business.

I just have to be careful to also remember to do things that are just good for my soul – watching movies while doing a tweet chat, going to a friend’s house to craft, and having just M&M’s and diet coke for lunch.

All through working on this post the song “In my Life” by the Beatles kept running though my head.

I looked up the lyrics to the song: the lyric refers to someone who loved someone before, and it was good. But now the person loves someone new and they will love them more.

I find it a great comparison to my life before living my truth and after embracing this new way of living. I liked my life before, but now, in my life, I love living my truth, living my life, more.

Martha Chinnock lives in San Antonio with her hubby and two girls. She loves black olives, reading, and her fake nails. She has been blogging for a few months – check her out at http://marthachinnock.com or on twitter as @marvelousmartha

But the hard part of hiring Ken Moorhead as my amazing new COO was not finding him.

The hard part was getting over my fear of the big scary’s that came up at the thought of bringing another person into my business, and what that means for the company, and for me.

So what scares you?

How are you pushing your boundaries in your business? How are you going to grow?

As I’ve said many times, I can’t tell you what it means to live your truth.

Because it’s your truth.

Not the truth. Not my truth. Not the truth written by the gurus or dictated by institutions or governments or your parents.

But your personal truth.

Now, that’s all nice and good, but you may want a little more freaking direction than that.

I define “living your truth” in two different ways … one is the mission of my company, and other other is my personal definition & the tools I use to apply it in my life.

Live Your Truth empowers solo-entrepreneurs to make a greater contribution to the world and become more successful & fulfilled by doing what is a natural extension of who they really are.

(thanks to Ken Moorhead for yanking this out of me during a late night consulting session)

But that’s not *my* truth and it’s not *your* truth … that’s just what I’m doing here in this business.

Living my truth is about begin 100% myself 100% of the time, about speaking the things that everyone thinks but no one says, about choosing to be uncomfortable every day, about being a visible leader of this movement.

But what could Living Your Truth mean to you?

During the first weekly #lytchat (live your truth twitter chat) we discussed this very question, and here are some of the responses:

• idance_iwrite: Actively letting go of what other’s want from you and listening to your ‘inner voice’
• JanieC: letting the real and best you out of it’s hiding spot
• LisaMHines: Being courteous to others, but not letting them persuade your actions, words, etc.
• kymleeisawesome: knowing what you are & are not responsible for. not doing anything that doesn’t fit your vision for yourself
• tarufisher: For me, #LYT is saying “no” when I mean “no”, and “yes” when I mean “yes”.
• ACCompanyC: disregarding the “shoulds’” – or at least questioning why should I?
• LisaMHines: LYT means staying in a centered place, honoring my true self in everything I do.
• JanieC: getting rid of barriers, real and imagined
• bethearle: For me it’s living my values
• JennaAvery: Having the courage to say what I mean, mean what I say, do what I love, and love what I do, in all things.
• bethearle: practicing outwardly what my inner self knows intuitively
• lizschneider: keeping soul-level promises that i make to myself.
• jaladesigns: 4 me, its simply just being myself instead of trying 2 b perfect. It’s living & operating w/ honesty, integrity & decency.
• lorilatimer: Doing what’s right for me, not what anyone else thinks or wants
• lizschneider: Living my truth means, “walking my talk”, speaking what I think and doing what I speak
• truthlifecoach: It’s about honoring my core values and trusting my “gut”
• jhaubein: Being yourself no matter what others might think of you. Staying true to your values.
• daniellemmiller: making sure my purpose and values are not compromised by my head worrying about what others think
• jenngbob: Living my truth means not feeling guilty for doing what I intuitively feel I should be doing right now
• ChristineVenart: For me, living my truth means to show up as myself always, push myself past my fears, and to say the hard truth
• kymleeisawesome: not being afraid to take that leap of faith, facing down the fear and moving forward into uncertainty
• lorilatimer: It also means saying “no” when that’s what’s best for me – something I didn’t used to do
• KyraHowell: Living my truth means knowing my vision and allowing that to be my life.
• m_michael: Living my truth: Being fearless w/o recklessness
• YourGoToGuy: Simply doing instead of worrying.
• daniellemmiller: complete trust in my intuition and “gut”
• chrisarcucci: speaking & living my truth with compassion and clarit
• lorilatimer: Getting out of my head and listening to my heart/intuition
• bethearle: not following the crowd/ marching to my own drum
• MarySchaefer: Giving myself permission to be BIG and small and loving myself in any state

So … I’d love to hear your thoughts & ideas, by you commenting below …

… do any of these resonate with you? What do the words “live your truth” mean to you?

And, we love for you to RSVP and join us for the next Live Your Truth twitter chat (#lytchat) - it’s free and open to anyone to join (yes, to participate in the conversation you need a twitter account). See you there!

The tattoo is not because “Live Your Truth” is my brand (lol), but it is a visual reminder, a renewal of the decision I made back in June … to live my truth, to choose to be uncomfortable every day, to be a visible leader.

My new tattoo is the ink on my live your truth contract. The contract I made with myself.

But … good thing you don’t have to get a tattoo to start living your truth, eh?

If you want to learn more about living your truth, or make your own commitment to your “live your truth” journey, join us at http://theliveyourtruthproject.com

And … I’d love to hear your tattoo story, your adventure story, your “how you memorialized your commitment to yourself” story … or anything else you’d like to share or comment about.

Instead, I futzed around on twitter. Facebook. Skype. Checked my Google Analytics. Researched when Lilith Fair will be touring this summer.

And then randomly decided I needed to memorize the lyrics to Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine” … thinking I was just procrastinating working on this blog post.

Ah, but the flow knew better. I couldn’t write this blog post because I didn’t have the hook I needed. The story or theme that tied the entire weekend together for me. And as I listened to this song, over and over again, I found the soundtrack to my take-away’s.

So now that I got that over with, let’s get started on the adventures in Austin.

Why Austin?

Back on November 6, 2009 (5 months from 6/6/09) I sent out this tweet from my hotel room in Las Vegas:

Ori Bengal (http://CouchSurfingOri.com) describes himself an adventurer, among other things. And he seriously is an adventurer. For the last 3 years he has been couchsurfing (as in, crashing on people’s couches/guest rooms all over North America) in pursuit of adrenaline rush, unique & weird experiences, and fascinating new people.

And when I first read his blog after meeting him in June at Scott Stratten’s tweetup, all I could think was:

wow, I wish I could lead a life like that.

And then on November 6th I was sitting in a hotel room in Vegas trying to think of what would be the most scary, pushing my comfort zone, personal growth thing I could do in the next year.

And it wasn’t about the jumping out of a plane or karaoke or any risky or embarrassing activity that I could come up with …

… it was going on an adventure spawned from another person’s mind.

Giving up control – that would push my comfort zone more than any experience I could design for myself.

So I threw that tweet out to Ori to see if he’d be interested in taking me up on this venture. And he was.

At first it was just a vague inclination for us to adventure in 2010 once I moved to San Diego, but after a bunch of late night skype conversations reminding me of all of the crazy stuff I used to do, I was done waiting. So I asked him if I could come out to Austin asap for our adventure.

And on January 8th I flew from San Jose to Austin for 51 hours of adventuring in Austin with @CouchSurfingOri.

Pushing My Comfort Zone

“The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all”

Dude. I had just agreed to fly 1/2 way across the country to hang out with some guy I knew from the freaking internet!

wtf epw?!?

Yes, by that time we had become virtual BFFs via twitter/facebook/skype/txt/email/phone, and my BFF Allison Nazarian knew Ori in real life from before twitter’s existence, and we had met once in person, but still. I was flying across the country to spend the weekend with a crazy adventurer guy. omg.

That was the most profound “pushing my comfort zone” thing of all – going on this adventure in the first place.

Sending that tweet. Asking to come. Getting on the plane.

The interesting thing is that each step felt totally sane and like myself.

That real part of myself that I am, when I forget to think about what’s reasonable. When I’m just existing in the moment and acting from inspiration and passion and truth.

And existing, in the moment, is the one place where I’m able to push my comfort zone. To fully experience being alive.

To fully experience being my real self.

Whether that’s drinking Sake for the first time at our friday night tweetup, flying 30 miles an hour across a gorge while suspended on a metal wire, or slipping t-shirts over my head for the first time in years.

It’s about putting aside that terribly practical ideal woman in my head who wants to keep me safe, conforming to a reasonable standard, sanitized from anything profound or sexy or real.

On his radio show on Monday talking about our adventure, Ori asked me whether I was an adrenaline junkie. I’m not. It’s not about the adrenaline.

I’m a personal development junkie.

And I mean that. I’m a junkie. I need it. Desperately. I need pushing myself to the brink of painful uncomfortableness to find that edge where I let go of the veneer of bullshit and start feeling.

Start living. As me.

Facing the Fear of Doing It Wrong

“I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I’m crawling on your shores.”

As we climbed the hill to the start of the zipline adventure, one of the instructors hiked up next to me: “You’re going to be fine.”

He told me how safe the ziplines were, how it supported tens of thousands of pounds, how he had been involved in its construction, how I wasn’t going to get hurt, etc. etc.

But I wasn’t worried about plummeting to the earth or breaking my fingers under the wheels or getting my long hair caught in the mechanism.

I was worried about doing it wrong.

How many things in life – speaking on a big stage, going on a first date, driving a stick shift – how many things was I avoiding – not because I was afraid of heckles or rejection or death – but because I was afraid that I would do it the wrong way.

That I would fail at the procedure of the experience.

Major wtf.

So the assignment I made to myself on the journey home from Austin was to search for non-passive physical experiences that required learning a skill. Where there was a real possibility of messing up the procedure.

Driving a motorcycle. Scuba diving. Taking an art class. Learning to fence. Ballroom dancing. Shooting a handgun.

And force myself to regularly face that fear I would totally suck at the skill.

And just do it anyway.

Trusting in Someone Besides Myself

“The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.”

As we drove back from the zipline, through the small town of Wimberley, Ori says: “See that horse? That would make a good picture, you on that horse.”

A few minutes later I was 6 feet up on a display fake horse in front of a roadside collectable shop.

“Put your arm up like you are waving a cowboy hat. Now yell. Make some noise.”

Are you freaking kidding me?

And that was just the start. A photo shoot with Ori had me wearing a fuzzy hat and a viking helmet, swinging a real sword, posing with a red swiffer mop and two bottles of Tito’s vodka, skateboarding down a subdivision street, holding wine and a beer stein filled with cranberry juice as disembodied arms surround me with pots.

All while laughing to Ori’s jokes. Or the ridiculousness of what he was asking me to do. Or trying to make the expression of how I would look if my daughter walked into the room holding a, well, use your imagination.

Any of you who read my stuff know how often I talk about flow. Trusting in the serendipity of the universe to let the day unfold in a way more magical than anything you could think your way into.

And that is the way to find the Nutty Brown Cafe & Amphitheater, to get the best falafel in New York City, to help your friend get a tattoo in Las Vegas.

But the next level is to give over control not to the universe, but to another person.

To trust that I’ll have a great couch to sleep on, that we will eventually find the sushi place, that I’ll look like my true self in the final photography (click for entire photo set from Ori).

Of course, I can’t just trust anyone with myself. Selecting people to trust (especially for an INFJ like me) must be studied and researched and intuitive.

But there is a certain point where I have to just let go.

Join in the magic of another person, of how that person sees my truth, of what should be done to free me to be myself …

… and see where that adventure takes us.

And Now Back to Reality … Or Not.

As soon as Ori dropped me off at the Austin airport on Sunday I started to feel post-travel blues set in. The slide back into normalcy. Ordinary. The mediocrity of regular life.

And as much as I wanted to go home and see my kid, I also wanted to stay in Austin. Or get on the next plane to anywhere. Or take off for another adventure.

But here’s the thing … why does it have to be one or the other?

Why should life be either home or travel? Ordinary or adventure?

So instead, I came back to San Jose and chose to live my life as if it was not ordinary. As if this wasn’t home.

Act here as I would if I was just passing through.

Yes, of course I have a kid here. And work to get done. And a house to clean up and sell. And an apartment to find. And all the details and to-do’s of life.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t plan tweetups. Keep my eye out for amazing people. Look for interesting opportunities.

Live with a mindset of adventure.

Even here, in my “ordinary” life.

—

If you want to hear more of the story of these adventures check out Ori’s interview of me on the CouchSurfingOri Radio Show.

Full Disclosure: This blog post and Ori’s radio show do not contain the whole story of the adventures that took place in Austin. Because, alas, some things are just not bloggable. I may put them in the Live Your Truth book. And the blog-transparency vs book-transparency vs what-stays-offline debate, that is a story for another blog post.

When was your last adventure? Have you explored your own town for the experiences it has to offer? What are you going to do to get beyond your comfort zone?