This Is What's True For Me For Now

Guest Post by Jenna Avery.

Finding and living my truth is like surfing a wave, navigating the treacherous parts, riding high, falling low, and waiting to see where I wash up.

My spirit loves to give me opportunities to dance on the edge of truth and trust.

After 4 successful years working as an urban designer, my spirit said, “Uh-uh, not anymore.”

I left.

Despite the student loans, the degrees, and the lauding from my boss and peers.

When my ex-boyfriend almost died in a motorcycle accident (who I was still half in love with at the time), I was there by his bedside every day, even when everyone around me told me how stupid I was being.

It felt right. It was right.

I helped him decide whether to live or die. He lived. I was right to be there. We’re still friends. I didn’t suffer huge emotional setbacks or humiliate myself.

In fact, it changed me deeply and profoundly.

When the love of my life said he didn’t want kids, and I desperately did, I stayed because my heart knew it was right, even though my logical mind was totally freaking out.

My spirit said, “This will all work out, even if you can’t see how yet.” It did. We have a 2.5 year old son that is the light of our lives.

For me, living my truth often means not knowing, being willing to be in the discomfort of that uncertainty, and proceeding to live and deliver my best understanding of my life purpose and my vision anyway.

It means not knowing how or if things will work out, but trusting them anyway because it feels right to me.

It means not being 100% sure about what I’m doing or why I’m doing it.

So I’ve learned to say, “This is what’s true for me for now.”

It’s darned uncomfortable at times.

I had a fantastic opportunity recently to attend the inaugural TEDxMarin event featuring four creative visionaries speaking about personal philanthropy, building communities by focusing on trust and listening, the power of social media and the internet to facilitate connection and interdependence, and insanely inspiring possibilities for simple mechanical solutions to reduce energy use by 50% in a decade.

It sparked me to think big about myself, my life, what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it.

As I was driving home, a thought flashed in, “I don’t want to do what I’m doing anymore.”

Then I thought, “Crap.”

Then, “What does that even mean? Aren’t I already in the process of changing everything?”

Since then I’ve been in a place of evaluation, examining everything, questioning the lot: where we live, how I work and spend my time, how we take care of our son, how I market my business, my old direction, my new direction, how we’re managing our finances, and, well, everything.

It’s like a giant double-check. It’s something I do fairly often.

See, when my spirit shows up with a message like this, even if I don’t quite know what it means in practical specifics, I pay attention.

And if that means that I have to hang out in that awkward in-between place of not quite being where I am and not quite being sure where I’m going for a while, so be it.

Because this is what’s true for me, for now.

It might change tomorrow, it might not. But this is what’s true for me, for now, so I go with it, trust it, explore it, listen.

The way I look at it is this: My spirit gives me exactly what I need. My Divine Guidance is my truth, and my job is to follow it to the best of my ability.

So I strive to evolve consciously along this delicious path of confusion, growth, self-discovery, and truth, moving ever closer to the core of who I am and what I was put here to do.

All I can do is trust the process and surrender to doing the things I am called to do, even when they absolutely terrify me.

Write a screenplay? Okay. (Breathe.)

Quit saying I’m going to write a book and actually write one? Damn. Okay. (Keep breathing.)

Redefine my tribe and redesign my entire business? (Do I have to?) Right, then. Okay. (Breathe.)

It’s not like I haven’t been through this before. And it always works out for the best.
So when my spirit says, “Okay, it’s time,” I listen.

I listen even when I have to wrestle myself to the floor to do it, because I know it’s the only way I’ll truly be happy.

This is what’s true for me, for now.

Jenna Avery is a life purpose breakthrough coach, mentor to creative visionaries, raving sci-fi fan, writer-in-the-making, and passionate mom. Find Jenna on online as @JennaAvery on Twitter and at www.JennaAvery.com.