How are you feeling about your business? When do you feel stressed and annoyed? What (or who!) depletes your energy? Recognizing those things will point you in the right direction for setting your boundaries!
Check out this second video in the 10 part Business Boundaries series on How You Feel …
Here is the pdf guide mentioned in the video and below is the full transcript:
Day 2: How You Feel Today on the second day, we’re still working on defining who are you, what are your boundaries. Now, I hinted that this time we’re going to talk about complaining about stuff, and I actually don’t mean this is a negative way. What we’re going to be looking at is just data. This isn’t dwelling on negativity, this is just data of feelings that you already have. Because our feelings, as we go through day to day, gives us great data on what’s going on in our lives. Now, we’re going to look at what annoys you. What would you complain about to somebody else, that is happening in your business, and even happening in your life?
These are things that are very illustrative of your boundaries being violated, boundaries that you may not have ever clearly defined, and you may not be consciously aware of. We’re talking about when do you get annoyed. When do you feel resentful? When do you feel taken advantage of? When do you feel like you’ve been put upon? Things that make you feel stressed out or anxious, and things in your life that drain you of energy. One thing I want to make clear is, just because something might annoy you, stress you out, make you feel anxious, drain you of energy, doesn’t mean you’re going to stop doing it. [laughs] It doesn’t mean you’re going to cut that person out of your life. It doesn’t mean that you have to, OK?
Sometimes, there may be something in your life that is making you feel resentful, that just needs to be tweaked. There are things in your life that make you feel anxious that’s actually a good anxiety. It’s like that fear of anxiety over something wonderful and something new. I mean, when you’re first falling in love, you may feel a lot of anxiety. You just started a new relationship with the person, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fall in love. The issue is, is there’s something that is pushing a boundary for you, and you want to be conscious about it, and be able to consciously make decisions about those boundaries. What you’re going to push. What you’re going to adjust.
In some places, you may even want to move the boundaries, but you want to do that as a conscious choice, instead of having someone else force you into it. Let me give you some examples of things that annoy me, [laughs] or things that make me feel resentful, and where this has come up for me. A few years ago, I was not charging enough for my services. How I knew that was I was feeling resentful when I got a new client or when a current client gave me work to do. Even though I loved these people, you were my clients, and I still do. Some of them are still my clients to this day. But I was starting to feel resentful, so I knew that there were boundaries that needed to be changed. I also have felt resentment, annoyance, and anxiety that had to do with phone calls.
First, if someone calls me unannounced. That can definitely make me feel anxious, like I’m interrupted, and I can feel resentful. To be honest, phone calls generally make me feel anxious. Now, I actually still love talking to people on the phone. I do it as part of my business and I have a very small list of people in the world, [laughs] who, I, in my personal life I choose to talk to on the phone. But, it drains my energy and can make me feel anxious, and take up a lot of each day’s energy units. So I need to set boundaries around that. I don’t say zero phone calls, even though I know it said that in “The Wall Street Journal” article, that’s an over simplification.
I don’t answer the phone, except for a very small list of people. However, I do schedule phone calls, and so I just want to give you that example of something that…Phone calls, are something that makes me very anxious, and it take out a whole lot of energy, and drain out energy from me. It’s not about getting rid of phone calls altogether. It is about setting boundaries around them so I can still do it. Do you know what else I want to look at? Personal things. You know I have anxiety about going to Ikea at two o’clock in the afternoon, on a Saturday. It’s so busy, it’s so loud, you feel claustrophobic by being trapped in there on their little path.
There’s this over‑stimulation of sounds, smells, and that florescent lighting. That doesn’t mean I don’t go to Ikea, I just go when they first open in the morning [laughs] or I bring someone with me who could have a really good energy bubble that that person can take me in and then my energy is protected. That’s what I mean, there may be things in your life, in your personal life, and that carries over to business. Just like how Ikea, at two o’clock in the afternoon is an issue for me. Going to a business conference, going to a networking event, going to a seminar can have the same kind of issues.
We’re going to talk about this later, don’t worry about it yet, but the strategies I’ve learned to set boundaries in my personal life can apply to very similar situations in business, too. Your assignment today is to start taking inventory of things that annoy you. Where do you feel resentful in your business? In your work? With clients, customers, with people on the Internet. What makes you mad when you’re on Facebook? Because that is good data. What makes you annoyed with your staff, with your employees, with your contractors?
Then, of course, also look at friends and family. You may want to be very precise in how you keep this list of annoyances, because you may not want someone else to read it over your shoulder. [laughs] It may be something that you eventually want to discuss with them. Remember, this isn’t just about being negative, this is not a list of complaints to just wallow in negativity. This is important data that comes from your feelings that we can use, and when we start crafting boundaries to observe, communicate, and enforce upcoming in this program. To give you a little hint about what we’re going to do next time, I’m actually grabbing my sheet, because now I’m drawing a blank. Next time, we’re going to talk about the positive stuff. Yay. We’re going to talk about what is joyful and what fills you up. I’ll see you guys next time. Bye.
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